Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I'm broken inside, I give you my life

As I was laying in my bed last night trying to fall asleep I started thinking about the past three years of my life; the fun that I have had, the hard times I have experienced, the friends I have made, classes I have struggled in and those I enjoyed, and most importantly the transformation that Jesus has done within me. When I thought about who I was as I entered Virginia Tech freshman year I am in awe of how different I am now. My mindset, interests, attitude and outlook on life have all changed and I LOVE it. It is so cool to reflect on the changes that have happened within me and to be able to praise the Lord for the mighty work He has done. I never would have expected to be so different or for my life to currently be where it is, I am constantly reminded that it is not my plan and I know nothing!

The title of this post comes from one my favorite songs, Give Me Faith, it is also a phrase I could use to describe the theme of my last three years. I have finally begun to see how broken I am and how little control I have over my life. Just tonight I was at a worship and prayer time, my last CRU event at Virginia Tech, and just repeating to the Lord that I cannot handle my life AT ALL and I don't want to because it does not go well when I try. I am reminded of a verse, Psalm 16:2 which says, "I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.'" I have seen that so clearly during my years in college and I am so thankful that I have a God who can sympathize with me and who cares so much for me that He will take all of my burdens and all of my cares and that He will carry them for me and provide and love me every single second of every single day.

Tonight I spent time with two of my friends just talking about life; frustrations, joys, and just sharing experiences and advice. I was able to use parts of the story that God has given me through struggles I have had to help another girl and use my testimony for His glory. We were reading random passages to each other and I thought of one of my favorites; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." How cool that I am able to use stories from my life to help other people, I never would have expected that as I faced the trials I did, but I am so thankful for those trials and seeing God's faithfulness bringing me through them, refining me and making me stronger through His power. 

I can confidently say that I did not waste my time at Virginia Tech and I am so thankful for the person I have become and that the Lord is continually making me into. I could go on and on about the blessings I have seen through friends and experiences at Tech, specifically through CRU, and I am so incredibly thankful for the impact that has had on my life. I am especially thankful for those that took the time to invest in me even when I was stubborn and frustrating, specifically my discipler Janelle, I know you probably wanted to slap me so many times when I just didn't get it! Thank you for your perseverance, love, mercy and encouragement!!! Also the girls in my bible study and my co-leader Kristy, you have all had such a huge impact on my life this year and have helped me grow tremendously!! I am excited about my future and know that these last three years have changed me for the better and I am not only more appreciative of my relationship with Jesus but also so much  more aware of the reality of Christ and His death and resurrection!

"You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light."
Psalm 18:28

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